A Night in the Middle of the War
by Haruka Suko
Summary: Is there room for emotions durring a war? Wrote this years ago.


Title: A Night in the Middle of the War  
Author: Haruka xHaruka17xa...  
Disclaimer: I don't own GW.  
Pairing: I wonder  
Rating: NC-17  
Warning: Sap, Angst, bit of OOC, Very Lemony!  
Notes: Please R&R. Hope you enjoy.

Heero tossed and turned in his bed. He couldn't get that picture out of his mind. His heart's desire was arousing him, without even knowing it.

He had never thought it possible. The Perfect Soldier in love? Could it be? Heero was in love and he knew it. From all the information he possessed and searched through, only one word described how he felt: love.

It scared him. For the first time Heero was truly scared, and of all things he was scared of being rejected. He had read and found out that he was a homosexual. That didn't bother him or surprise him at all. But the main fact that he could love someone...If he returned Heero's feelings, it could be a disaster. What if he died? Or if Heero himself might die, leaving his love behind.

They were in the middle of a war, where love and other feelings were useless, but here they were, torturing him.

Now he sat up sweating and breathing heavily. He was painfully aroused from his dreams. He made it a mission, and if he failed his mission, he would just have to deal with it.

He got up, staying in his blue boxers and made his way to the door and into the hallway. He listened for a moment for any noises and heard none. Eyeing the door that was to his left, he walked slowly yet determined to it. He quietly opened the door and slipped inside.

Heero's hungry eyes took in the seductive yet innocent and nonchalant picture before his eyes. The boy he desired laid on his stomach, facing the window away from Heero. He was nude with a light sheet, wrapped around his slender, bent leg, leaving the rest of the boy's body free to the air and free to Heero's hungry eyes.

Heero licked his lips and slowly made his way to the bed. He kneeled on the large softness and sat close to the sleeping boy.

He gently caressed the boy's back, loving the feel of the smooth, soft skin. After a few moments or so the boy didn't wake up, so Heero pursued forward. His hands slid lower to the boy's ass. He started massaging and caressing, gaining soft sleepy moans from the sleeping form. He lowered his mouth and kissed the boy's left cheeks, then the other.

Heero couldn't help himself as his lust took over. He kissed, licked and massaged at the boy's ass. His tongue tickled at the pucker, then entered.

"Ohh! Mmm," He heard a whimper. He immediately sat up, and so did his sleepy object of lust.

Emerald eyes looked up at him, confused.

"I'm--I'm sorry, I..." Heero started and quickly got up from the bed.

"Don't go," The emerald eyed beauty whispered pleadingly. Heero turned to look at him.

"Trowa?" Heero said, sitting back down on the bed. Trowa just looked at him. He could see lust and something else in Trowa's eyes.

"Don't stop..." Trowa said. Heero nodded and kissed him hard, pushing Trowaback. A pair of arms wrapped around Heero's neck as he deepened the kiss. His hands didn't waste any time sense Trowa was already undressed. They roamed over Trowa's body, cherishing the feel of his skin and the curves, putting every inch to memory.

Trowa enjoyed having Heero's hands all over his body. It was like a dream that seemed so real, he wanted to cry.

He had dreamt of Heero touching him intimately for so long, much like he was now. But even in his dreams, Heero wasn't so careful, so gentle, so loving.

He had never thought himself worthy of Heero. He was too dirty and used for Heero's purity, but right now, he didn't care about that, all he cared about was Heero, his only wish, who was kissing and caressing him and he never wanted it to stop.

Heero's mouth explored Trowa's stomach. Trowa whimpered underneath him. At that moment, he thought he was going tp scream as Heero took in his manhood fully into his mouth. He buried his hands in Heero's unruly hair.

"Ahh! Hee..." Trowa moaned loudly.

While making love to him with his mouth, Heero started to prepare Trowa.

"Oh!" Trowa gasped.

He climaxed violently into Heero's mouth, crying out his name.

Heero swallowed every drop, enjoying and savoring the taste of his new lover. He kissed his way back up Trowa's body, lingering at the sensitive spots. As he reached the other boy's neck, he bit him slightly then licked the spot, marking Trowa as his. His fingers still prepared him.

"I want to make love to you, let me" Heero said as he caressed Trowa's cheek."Let me"

He looked down at Trowa's flushed, dazed face, and saw tears. He stopped all of his movements, afraid that he hurt his love. "Trowa?"

"I'm dirty Heero, I'm..." Trowa tried to explain but Heero interupted by kissing him, hard. He told Trowa that he didn't care about his past, that all he cared about was now.

/War or no war, I love him/ Heero thought, still passionately kissing Trowa.

/Oh Heero.../ Trowa thought as a tear escaped his right eye.

Heero slowly but carefully entered him. Trowa gasped holding his breath. It felt so good, so right. Once he was buried to the hilt, Heero stayed still to let Trowa adjust. Moments later, Trowa nodded then started kissing at Heero's neck.

Heero slightly rose, and placed Trowa's knees on his shoulders, giving him better vantage.

He soon discovered that, for a silent person, Trowa made a lot of tiny but loud sounds while making love. He kissed him at every chance, never getting enough. He loved the sight of the flushed, breathless look on Trowa's face. He was beautiful.

Trowa looked up at Heero as he made love to him slowly, with small, carefully measured movements. Heero grunted and gasped, making Trowa smile. His cobalt blue eyes looked glaze in the darkness of the room, but Trowa could see them. Those eyes always enchanted him.

Heero looked down at Trowa again and now saw more tears. Trowa simply looked at him, and Heero knew. Trowa loved him, and he was silently crying because he knew how Heero felt, he loved him too. But they were in the middle of a war, there was no need for emotions, especially love.

Heero wiped away the tears with his thumb, then kissed every part of his face tenderly.

Trowa had never been loved before, and now the boy he was in love with returned the feelings. He knew because of the way Heero looked at him, it was love. He suddenly felt like a child, feeling loved and cared for. He held on to him tightly. Heero understood; He himself hadn'r felt love until now.

They simultaneously reached climax. Trowa screamed his name as Heero grunted his. Carefully pulling out of Trowa, he laid himself over the HeavyArms pilot, kissing him madly. Their eyes locked momentarily, silently saying the three words that were estranged to them, saying the words that they couldn't say.

"Heero..." Trowa started. Heero put a finger to his lips to silence him.

"Don't say it. We're in a war, we can't..." Heero dropped his gaze at the breaken look Trowa gave him.

Heero kissed every part of Trowa, repeating that he was sorry over and over again.

"Hold me?" Trowa asked quietly, afraid that Heero would say no and leave. Heero laid next to him, wrapping his arms around Trowa as he pulled the bedcovers over them. Trowa gladly nuzzled at Heero's neck and chest, loving the feel of the strong arms around him. He felt safe and loved and he never wanted it to end.

They both fell asleep, dreaming of being together. But eventually nightmares came as well, posing unanswerable questions. What if the other died during a mission? Would they be able to handle it?"

--------

A year past by quickly sense that night. Heero had decided it was best to just not give in to their emotions, but Trowa wasn't happy with that decision. He would crawl into Heero's bed at night when he couldn't sleep by himself. At first Heero would understand and hold him, but soon he decided that they shouldn't do that either.

Trowa had felt sick. He felt used again and began to believe that Heero didn't love him. Perhaps he had mistaken the look in Heero's eyes that night. Maybe it was just lust all along and nothing else.

Trowa's mask fell at night and he cried for Heero; he felt foolish. Heero most likely thought him weak.

However, now that a year had passed, Trowa had regained control of himself. Regardless, it still hurt when he saw Heero. When they were alone, Heero would act like nothing had nothing had ever happened and each time it made a dent in Trowa's heart. But it especially hurt when Duo was all over him.

The war was over and Trowa wanted to leave as soon as possible. He wanted to get away, away from Heero.

--------

It was 10 p.m. and Trowa was packing his bag. Him and the others had been staying with Quatre for a few weeks after the war, but now he decided it was time to leave. He had already wrote a good-bye and thank you note to Quatre and the others.

He had just finished packing his small bag when tears started to roll down his face. He started to remember what happened at dinner the previous night. Duo had been all over Heero, and Heero hadn't seemed to mind. Trowa had felt his heart crumble at the thought of Heero making love to Duo the way he had that night to him. He wanted to be the one all over Heero, but it wasn't him the pilot wanted. And that hurt him greatly.

He was jealous of Duo; that he admitted to himself, but he wasn't going to fight for Heero. No, Heero had made his decision. And Trowa didn't matter to him, plain and simple.

He took out the enveloped letter he had written to Heero and looked at it. He had written it a long time ago but then had changed it because when he had gone to see Heero after the war was over to give it to him, he had found Duo asleep in his bed and Heero at his computer. So he decided not to keep it. He wanted Heero happy even if it wasn't with him, but it was killing him and now he had to leave.

He jumped when he heard a knock at his door. The door opened and Wufei stepped inside. He closed it behind him and walked over to Trowa.

"I know you're leaving. I just wanted to say it has been a great honor working and fighting by your side, Trowa Barton," Wufei said, Trowa nodded.

Wufei saw the silent tears on Trowa's now usual masked face, and the enveloped letter in his hands.

"You're leaving because of Heero, aren't you," Wufei stated.

Trowa's head shot up, looking at him in shock.

"I noticed to way you look at him. I don't think I've ever seen you more...alive and emotional then this recent year. Sense that night." Wufei said.

"How did you know?" Trowa asked.

"I heard you, and I saw Heero leave your room in the morning," Wufei said, sitting himself down next to Trowa's bag. Trowa lightly blushed and nodded.

"Is that for him?" Wufei asked, motioning to the letter in his hands. Trowa nodded. "Are you going to give it to him?"

"I don't know. Duo's his...lover now, I guess. I-I..." Trowa couldn't finish his sentence. The thought of Heero with Duo made him sick.

"Heero's not with Duo, Trowa. They're just friends. Granted, Duo's a big flirt, but its not Heero's bed he's in at night," Wufei said. Trowa looked at him confused.

"Then who!? The whole mansion can hear Duo moan" Trowa sputtered angrily.

"Quatre," Wufei simply stated. Trowa's eyes widened, as he suddenly remembered Quatre telling him how much he wanted Duo, a long time ago. But still...

"It doesn't matter, Heero doesn't want me anymore, It was just for that one night...He got what he wanted" Trowa stated gloomily.

Trowa grabbed his bag and flung it over his shoulder.

"Good-bye Wufei, I was always honored to fight next to you as well," he said. Wufei got up, nodding at Trowa's words.

"Please give this to Quatre. It's a thank you note for letting me stay here," Trowa said giving the letter to Wufei.

"What about that?" he asked, pointing to Heero's letter in his hands still. Trowa looked at it, then threw it in the garbage. He looked at Wufei one last time then left.

--------

Heero watched Trowa get into a car with his carrier bag, then sped off from his window.

/Where is he going?/ He thought as a knock sounded at his door.

"Come in" he said, returning to his laptop, still puzzled.

"Hello Yuy," Wufei said." Here, I think you should have this" he contiued, handing Heero Trowa's letter over. He had retrieved it from the garbage.

"What's this?" Heero asked.

"Find out," Wufei said, leaving and closing to door behind him.

Heero sat back down and opened the letter.

'Heero I'm not quite sure what to write. You never let me tell you how I felt. I love you Heero. But I'm so...angry with you! You used me for that one night and got what you wanted not caring if it would effect me, well it did. I never loved anyone or anything, except one thing, you. That night you had made me think I mattered to you, that you loved me back, but it wasn't true, no you just used my love for you against me, and got what you wanted. I still treasure that night, but I hate myself. You probably think I'm weak but... I love you, good-bye Heero, I hope Duo can be what I couldn't for you. Trowa Barton'

Tear stains were on the letter. Trowa had cried for him, again. He had heard him cry at night sometimes but, controlled himself, not giving in to his emotions, they were in a war, but the war had been over for two months.

He remembered the night the war was over. Trowa had came to see him, but he had found Duo with him in the room. Duo was asleep on the bed, he had drank himself drunk after a fight with Quatre and had gone to his best friend who happened to be Heero. Duo had cried on his shoulder and had then fallen asleep on the bed. Heero was sitting at his computer when Trowa came in.

Trowa had obviously gotten to wrong idea; Heero remembered the hurt look refelected in his eyes. Trowa had just turned around and left and he hadn't spoken to him since. But Heero did catch his love looking at him, hoping he wouldn't notice.

He still loved Trowa. He thought of him every minute, but...He didn't know what to do. This wasn't a mission he could plan and prepare for. The Perfect Soldier wasn't perfect after all.

Heero bolted out of his room and down and out of the house, climbing into the nearest vehicle he saw. Moments later, he was right behind Trowa's jeep after driving like a maniac. He honked his horn, motioning for Trowa to pull over. Heero followed and parked, then quickly got out of his truck. Trowa did the same and began to wonder why Heero was here.

He stared at Heero, confused. "Heero?" he asked.

"I love you Trowa. Don't leave," Heero stated/begged, and quickly made his way to Trowa, pushing him against his car and passionately kissing him.

OWARI


End file.
